Quiet, part 7

Saying that she was pretty that night or trying to describe how beautiful she looked would do her an injustice; I was taken back and if I thought I was falling for her, seeing her that night did nothing but make it that much worse for me. She was wearing this yellow dress that fit her small frame perfectly, and while she had never wore very much make up, she had just enough on to make her look runway ready, and of course she had on some piece of jewelry hanging from her thin neck that was both beautiful and outrageous all at once. Though I wasn't her date, I felt a little embarrassed to be with her as we drove to meet her date, Tim, and my date, Juliette.

"Daisy, I know I'm suppose to say this, but I really mean it," I spoke not really looking at her, but more at her legs as she drove, "you're beautiful tonight."

"I'm beautiful tonight," she asked back, laughing and actually looking at me when speaking.

"Well," I paused, still focused on her legs, "always, but I mean," I stopped as she spoke.

"It's okay. I know what you meant. You look good too," she answered back, taking my hand and holding it tightly for a few moments before pulling it away.

We didn't speak much for the rest of the drive as we arrived to the ballroom; standing outside of the entrance was a very handsome and very beautiful guy and girl, Tim and Juliette. Daisy was correct in saying that Juliette might have been the most beautiful girl I would ever see, aside from her of course. She was Hispanic and had an amazing smile, and of course a great accent that she wasn't afraid to hide.

We were quickly introduced and then I followed the three into the ballroom and watched as Tim and Daisy joked quietly between them and immediately left Juliette and me behind. I wasn't at all worried at that point, and was trying to be a good date for Juliette; turns out that she was actually nominated for the University's Homecoming Queen, which would be awarded that night to one of four ladies.

After being introduced to a few people that Juliette was friends with, we found where Tim and Daisy had sat and took seats at a table next to them as they had sat at a full table. For the early part of the evening I mainly just chatted with Juliette, finding out where she was from -- San Luis Potosi Mexico -- and that she was actually the number one ranked tennis player in the country, and would either play professionally after graduating in two years or go to medical school. She was a great conversation, and an even better dancer.

But as the night wore on, and I saw more and more of Daisy and Tim sneak off to have their own private party, I was concerned that I had gotten myself into something I wasn't quite prepared for, or at least that my heart wasn't quite ready for.

"William," Juliette spoke into my ear as we were dancing slowly, "do you love Daisy," she asked quietly as we moved along around other couples, dancing just as we were.

"Can we go for a walk," I asked as I let go of her and stopped dancing.

"If you would like," she smiled, and took my hand and led me outside.

We went into the lobby of the building and thought about walking outside but didn't because of the cold, so we just sat in these oversized chairs that were really cushioned and completely hid in the back of the lobby, away from where anyone would bother us.

"I'm so sorry Juliette," I spoke quietly, "I wanted to be a great date for you tonight, but my mind is occupied," I sat up, closer to her, "do you get what I'm saying?"

"Oh, definitely," she answered with a slight laugh, "she's so pretty William and you know, she speaks of you very highly," she continued, "I remember I came in to her dorm room earlier last semester and there was this picture of you on her small refrigerator and you were laughing and pointing off to something that wasn't in the picture, it was really funny, and I asked her who it was and she began telling me this story about how you had been voted most likely to succeed when you were seniors and you two had to take some pictures and how you were so cute, but would not take the pictures seriously. She laughed really hard when telling me this story, and she talked about how you have crazy looking feet and this habit of holding your neck when you sleep, and how someday you were going to be this great Olympic runner and she just goes on and on about you Will," she stopped and moved closer to me and took my hand, "I believe in following what the heart tells you, and if you feel that you love her, then you should definitely let her know before it's too late Will, because I think she definitely loves you, her eyes have this look about them when she's talking of you, and you have that same look when talking of her, and this Tim that she's with, everyone knows that he's bad news, and she even knows that, but she's too nice and couldn't tell him no when he asked her. But she wanted you to come and you're here and she's here and there's at least going to be two more songs played, and I have yet to see you dance with her, go and ask her to dance Will."

I gave her a hug as we stood and then I watched her walk away. I thought about that picture she mentioned and how it was weird that she had the picture up during the fall as I hadn't spoken to her until Christmas? And then, finally, after gaining the nerve, I walked back into the ballroom, over to the table where Daisy and Tim were sitting and asked if she wanted to dance. She stood and followed me out onto the dance floor and as David Gray's This Year's Love began to play, we fell into each other and said nothing as we dance slowly around the dark room.

It was the last song that was played before they announced the Homecoming Queen and sadly enough Juliette did not win; afterwards the four of us met up with Jessica and her boyfriend Fred and had a late night meal at IHOP before Daisy and I dropped Tim and Juliette off at their dorms and then walked to hers. We were shoulder to shoulder as we walked across the campus under the starlit night, shaking a bit in the cool February air, and laughing at what turned out to be a decent night.

As we walked into her dorm, I asked her about the picture, and she turned a little red and acted as if she didn't know what Juliette had been talking about and said that it must have been something that she had seen in one of her picture albums from high school, and even pointed to her fridge that had no pictures on it. I found that odd, but laughed it off and took a hold of her in my arms and held her for a little longer than she had held me earlier that day and then kissed her forehead and told her that I had missed her.

Quiet, part 6

Her dorm was nothing like I had imagined from the way she had explained it; her bed was only three feet from her roommates with a night stand that sat between the two and there was a small desk at the end of each bed with their personal lap tops and pictures and such. But there was hardly any room; upon walking in the door you were greeting by the desks and then the beds and no other space at all. The lights were all shaded to dim the atmosphere and the room smelled just like her shampoo.

For an hour after I had arrived I just sat on her unmade bed as she finished a paper on her lap top. She worked without hesitance, constantly ravaging through texts and journals and personal notes, only stopping to make frustrated faces and gestures to the screen of her unresponsive computer. Her hair was in a ponytail and she was wearing a tank top with pajama pants and while she had apologized about her appearance when she first met me at the door, I really couldn't complain. It was getting to where every new time I saw her I was falling more and more.

Her roommate on the other hand was just as I expected - totally unapproving of me and very honest with everyone she apparently met. But with that honesty was something that just screamed respect, and I did respect her. Though she only hung around for the traditional and very awkward "This is my friend from home," introduction, she did make it clear that she was going to keep her eye on me; which I found odd being I had known Daisy nine years and she only a few months? The roommate's name was Jessica and she was much shorter than Daisy and much different in all aspects of every description I could mention.

"So that's Jessica," I asked, tired of just sitting as she typed away.

"Yep," she answered quickly, only glancing at me for a few seconds before returning to her work.

"It's like she's your older sister and she doesn't trust me," I laughed to her.

I wasn't exactly sure why I was talking, in my head I knew she needed to finish her paper, but I was nervous and while I knew what was wrecking my insides, I wasn't up to admitting to it. I was completely lost in her.

"She doesn't trust you," she said after a few minutes of silence, "she's concerned because I've never mentioned you until now and she also dislikes you because I asked her if she could stay with her boyfriend for the weekend," she finished, slamming her lap top shut and standing.

"Wow," I said laughing, "I thought everyone liked me?"

"This isn't Hull Will," she answered, lying down on the bed next to me, "I really don't want to get dressed up tonight, but I must say that I'm excited about seeing you in a suit."

"Well, you know," I stood, getting away from the bed and the temptation of kissing her, "I'm actually going to be impressing Juliette tonight," I joked, laughing, and hoping she caught my sarcasm.

"Oh yeah. Juliette," she crawled out of the bed, "you know she might be the most beautiful girl you ever see."

"Well," and in a moment that I am still very confused about, I said, "if she's half as pretty as you, it'll be a very good night."

She smiled and blushed a little before telling me she had to shower and get ready. She took her things into her arms; her bath towel, her soap, shampoo, and conditioner, and a small bag of clothes and left the room. I just sat, waiting for her to come back. When she did, which was only about twenty minutes later, she walked quickly into the room, looking about as close to breath-taking as you can get, and came over to me on the bed, kissed my forehead before pulling me up next to her and holding me closely for what seemed like ten minutes, and then asked me to shower and get dressed.

Quiet, part 4&5

Part 4

That night is what I remember most about that Christmas. Eventually my parents came home from my Uncle's and we did the traditional holiday stuff and of course I got to see Daisy a few more times before I left for my spring semester at the University I decided to transfer to. But with the new University and preparing for that move, the times I saw Daisy were nothing like the first night we had spent together. At first I thought the difference was the stress I was feeling about another life change and then I just assumed that we were just appropriately falling into our old groups as our other friends were moving back home for the holidays. But then I just realized that she wasn't the same girl as she was on that night. It was as if she were lost in this identity crisis of whether she was Daisy from Hull, or this new Daisy from Austin. Regardless and oddly enough, I began to miss her, even when we happened to be at the same place, engaged in the same conversation. She just wasn't as real as she had been that night.

But before she left for Austin, which was the day before me, she stopped by to say goodbye, and she kissed my cheek, and she told me that she enjoyed her break and that she hoped that I now considered her a friend. I gave her the CD we had listened to that night and watched her drive away with out telling her that I did now consider her a friend.

I know that I keep referring to that night, but when someone finds something or feels something so real, whatever it might be, whether it's a new friendship, or a new love, or faith, whatever, they can usually remember the first moment in which it began; that moment in which they were awoken. That's sort of what it was for me...

Part 5

Once I settled into a routine in Dallas and put my anxiety to rest about a new beginning, which took nearly three weeks, I called Daisy. She didn't answer, I didn't leave a message, and she never called back. Sometime right before February ended she emailed me and while I thought about that night a lot, I had sort of given up on her. Maybe she was a fraud?

But her email was good, and it was long, and it was obvious that she had actually sat down and taken the time to put thought and effort into writing a good email.

"Will. Hello. You called me and the reason I did not answer was because, honestly, I was a little embarrassed about that night we met at the church. It was fun but I sort of worried that maybe I gave you the wrong impression. You seemed to not be as interested in talking with me after that night and I really enjoyed talking with you that night. Hopefully I didn't give you the wrong impression? I miss you Will. But please don't take that the wrong way. I guess I'm emailing because this is a great ice break! Ha. Anyway though it was great seeing you over the break and it has me thinking that maybe you would enjoy coming to Austin and attending the winter formal with me next weekend? I know it is short notice, but I would love it if you came. Just let me know, okay? I really hope you are enjoying Dallas. Please just try and enjoy yourself, remember that we are young and life is full and great things are always on the horizon. Sorry for rambling on, I have enclosed some lyrics from this Lisa Loeb CD I just bought. The song is called Jake and for some reason, though your name isn't Jake, it reminds me of you? Love, Daisy"

Jake -- By Lisa Loeb
i'm going as far as i can go, away from here,
away from you, jake, and the hole you've sunk me into.

i wish that i could belong here, with you, and just be,
but that's not all that i'm about.

your life is built on accidents, like meeting me.
you write everything down in your grocery list - people do this.
even insects buzz like airplanes, why can't we fly away?
i'm going as far as i can go.

your dad died, cause his heart hurt, arking away his forty-five years,
dragging your mom along.
i don't want that, neither do you. neither do you.
if i am not fun, and i am not interesting,
perhaps i am not interested in you, neither are you.
you can't stand in front of an oven, cause it's warm,
and the fumes are dangerous.

i'm going as far as i can go.
away from here, away from you, jake, and the hole you've sunk me into.
i wish that i could belong here, with you, and just be,
but that's not all that i'm about to do.

It took me two days to respond and while I was excited about the chance to see her, the line, "I miss you Will. But please don't take that the wrong way," kept bothering me everytime I went to respond. Finally though at 4 a.m. two days after getting the email, falling asleep as I typed, I responded.

"Diasy. Hi. Sorry it has taken me a few days to get back to you. I suppose we are even now as it took you nearly a month to get back to me. I'm only kidding. I'm tired Daisy and for some reason I haven't been able to sleep lately and it worries me, but I'm sure everything will be okay. I would love to come to Austin next weekend. I think it would be fun and I really want to see you. I've missed you, or at least missed talking with you. Let me know if I am still invited and let me know all of the information. I will call tomorrow. Please answer? The Lisa Loeb lyrics were good. I found these, sort of cheesy I suppose, but regardless they remind me of you. It's Coldplay, and the name of the song is Green Eyes. Enjoy. Daisy I hope that you are okay. Extremely sleep deprived, William H. Miles."

Green Eyes -- Coldplay
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

That green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, now I’ve met you
And honey you should know, that I could never go on without you

Green eyes

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

That green eyes, you’re the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who, tried to deny you must be out of their mind

Cause I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, since I met you
Honey you should know, that I could never go on without you

Green eyes
Green eyes

Ohohohohooooo
Ohohohohooooo

Ohohohohooooo
Ohohohohooooo

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand

Once I responded to her, my sleeping problems vanished. I fell immediately asleep and woke the next morning late for my Biology class. Running to class, or actually hobbling, as I had a stress fracture in my right tibia, I managed to sneak into the very back seat, last row without being noticed. After Biology I had Calculus 2 and after Calculus 2 I had Elementary Foundations of Mathematics before meeting with the University's Athletic Trainer and my Track Coach about my injury. Finally getting a break and making it back to my dorm after one that afternoon I had the chance to check my email and see that she had responded. And just as a warning, when things go bad, I usually have some sort of premonition about it. These things happen, but they always hit me hard.

"Will. Hello. It's funny because I also couldn't sleep tonight. It's 4:50 a.m. and my roommate is asleep and I feel bad because my lap top screen is so bright and I keep humming this coldplay song, the lyrics you sent me. I think it might be my favorite now. Thank you. I'm excited to see you this weekend, but I have a bit of bad news. Turns out that after I emailed you, one of my guy friends asked me to the formal and I wasn't sure you would respond, so I told him I would go with him. But one of my friends, her name is Juliette and she's so beautiful and sweet, she doesn't have a date. So I mentioned the situation to her and she would love to tag along with us and sort of be your date? But it would be more like a group thing, you know? Please don't be mad, and please that you'll still come, I really want to see you and the formal is just Friday night meaning we will have all day Saturday and Sunday to just sit and talk alone? I'm worried about you Will. Should I be? Are you eating? Sometimes that can cause people to not sleep. Right? You were very thin the last time I saw you and that worried me. Just know that I care. Talk to you today? Maybe? I added some lyrics from Dido. Hope you like. Love. Daisy."

Life for Rent -- Dido
I haven't ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I've always thought
that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
and live more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I told her that I would still come and that I couldn't wait to see her and meet her friend Juliette. When we spoke on the phone that night she sounded distracted and I became annoyed, so we only spoke for a few moments before I made an excuse to get off of the phone. Four days later I drove to Austin.

Quiet, part 3

I, being only nineteen at the time, had the ability to fall in love at the drop of a hat, and taking her hand that night and leading her out into the cold and to my car to listen to this really mellow CD I had made, under a blanket of stars, drinking hot chocolate, could have really done me in. But in the back of my mind, and something that kept wanting to come out, was the fact that she was a girl I extremely disliked just six months before, and in not seeing her at all in the six months up until that point, should not have caused me to suddenly like her. But again, there we were, sitting side by side in my car, with the heater on, the windows down, enjoying our warm drinks and the mellow sounds of some band that I can still hear in my mind today.

It was only an hour or so that we sat in my car before the CD had finished and I was driving her back to her father's apartment; she seemed tired, yawning quite a bit and continuously apologizing, swearing she wasn't bored, just tired, and that she had been up since four that morning packing and trying to get home as quickly as she could.

That was something else that was beginning to bother me; she at times was telling me these outrageous stories about how amazing her first semester of school had been. She loved Austin, she loved the private education, and she loved her dorm, and so on and so on. But then again, on the other hand, she was complaining about how she could never love, and it was a realization she had come to while at school, and she was in such a rush to get back home and she kept talking about how much she was looking forward to this break and how much she had missed Hull.

So when she was getting out of my car when I finally pulled into her dad's apartment complex, I asked her if she was okay; if she was really okay.

"You know," she smiled and looked to the dark sky before answering, "sometimes I think I'm going to be okay," she spoke quietly and then laughed, "you don't want to come in do you, my dad's out of town?"

"Are you sure," I answered, stepping out of my car.

"Yeah, I need to unpack, so I won't be getting to bed for at least another few hours, and the night's still young, right," she asked, taking my hand and leading me into her father's apartment.

We made our way up the stairs to her room which was the only room in use on the second floor. She had three or four large bags piled in the back corner and the closet open with another basket of clothes sitting outside of it. Her bed was yet to be made and her computer sat in several pieces, waiting to be put together and plugged in.

It was the first time I had ever been in her room and found it to be very comfortable; I almost began to wish it was my room.

"Are your parents home," she asked, unfolding her laundry and hanging it in her closet as I sat on her unmade bed.

"No, they went to visit my Uncle in Georgia," I answered, lying back on her bed, "my brother went with them too, I didn't get home in time from school, they left a few days ago. That's why I was at the church tonight, I was bored out of my mind, there's just nothing to do in this town, but it's funny though how much I really do love it."

"I know what you mean," she came from hanging her laundry and sat beside me on the bed, "it's like, when we were in school, all I could think about was getting away from this hellhole you know? But now, I miss it so much when I'm not here," she laughed and leaned her head against my shoulder, "I guess that's just us growing up," she spoke quietly and kept her head on my shoulder.

Having her that close made me nervous and I'm sure she could tell as she didn't stay close very long before she was up and unpacking other bags. She never seemed to pay me any attention, but she always kept very engaged in the conversation.

"I really like this room," I mentioned, breaking a silence that had come upon us between her unpacking and my trying to make her bed.

"Have you never been in here before," she asked.

"Nope, at least not that I can remember," I laughed, "you and I weren't the greatest of friends back then, right?"

"Really," she asked, "I always assumed we were pretty close."

"Did you," I asked back, wondering if she was being sarcastic, because I honestly couldn't tell.

"Yes, did you not," she answered back, this time coming closer to me and paying me very close attention.

"I don't know," I answered, unsure of how to answer.

"Well, we always sat next to each other in class and you and I were always flirting back and forth in between classes, right," she asked, sitting down on the bed as I stood, and I thought that she had to know that I wasn't one that ever flirted, I wasn't sure how to.

"Can I be completely honest," I asked her and then watched her stand and turn out the lights in the room, "I really never thought of you and I as friends, and tonight when you invited me to sit beside you at the church, I was actually shocked," I paused a little to watch her as she opened the window and pulled back the covers on her bed and crawled in, and then I just stopped talking as she began to.

"Let's just not talk tonight Will," she spoke very quiet, as if she were trying not to wake someone in the same room as us, "let's just sleep, okay," she slid over in her bed and made a spot for me. Without thinking, almost as if I were hypnotized I slid off my shoes and moved into the bed with her. She didn't say another word that night, just fell asleep, holding onto my hand and staying as close as she could.

Quiet, part 2

"Will Miles," said Daisy, sitting in the very back row of the first
baptist church. She waved slightly and pointed at what appeared to be
the only free seat in the room, "Will," she called again, making sure I
had heard her the first time.

I stumbled through an elderly couple whom had refused to move their legs
to allow me to pass freely through the aisle. She sat calmly, but
smiling as I moved next to her. Immediately her left hand found my right
leg and her right arm went around me in one of the more awkward hugs I
had ever been a part of. She was definitely much more pretty than I had
remembered, and she happened to be very pretty in high school: wearing
jeans and a faded tee shirt that actually hugged her small frame, she
had a very large silver necklace and cross hanging from her thin neck.
Typical Daisy.

"Thanks for the seat," I said, smiling slightly embarrassed from the
hug.

"William Miles, it has been too long," she said softly.

"Yes it has," I answered, wanting to add that it had been since May 30th
and now it was nearly Christmas, meaning that would make it nearly six
months since we had last seen the other.

She kept her hand on my leg and turned her attention from me to the
children singing Christmas songs on the stage of the church, and then
back to me.

"How was your semester," she asked, not looking at me, but paying her
attention to the stage. Every time she spoke it was just soft enough to
not bother anyone else in the full room.

It was okay," I lied, honestly thinking it was a blessing that I had
survived without dropping out of the school before the holidays, "I'm
actually transferring next semester."

"Transferring," she asked.

"Yes," I spoke, "turns out I made a poor choice when choosing schools,"
I quickly stopped speaking and turned my eyes and attention to the
children singing. She had always had the ability to completely steal you
away with her conversation, and I wasn't in the mood to speak freely
about my life during the past six months to a girl who I could have
considered a complete stranger, if not for the fact that I had known her
nearly nine years.

"Have you eaten," she asked, changing the subject for me.

"Not yet, no."

"You want to skip out of here and get some dinner," she asked, motioning
with the hand that wasn't on my leg towards the doors in the back.

"Yes," I answered, standing and leading her through the aisle and out of
the church.

Outside the night had fully set in with several stars overhead and a
chill lingering from the afternoon shower. She shook slightly in her tee
shirt.

"Take my jacket," I said, sliding out of mine and handing it over to
her.

"Thanks Will," she coughed from the cold air.

"Do you want to meet at the diner," I asked.

"I actually walked here," she replied, which shocked me, since it was a
little over a mile from her dad's apartment to the church. She didn't
ask for me to drive, but sort of twirled under the stars, holding the
bottom of my jacket out to her sides, as if it were a cape.

"How about I drive us?"

"That'd be nice," she smiled, taking my arm and pulling me close to her
as we walked towards my car, "aren't you cold?"

We drove to the diner and found a seat in the very back, close to the
jukebox and waitress' entrance. It had been everyone's favorite lunch
place when we were in high school, and was probably still very popular
among those still living in town. My concern for health was always
forgotten there, as most of their food was deep fried; nearly always to
a crisp. It was so bad that you always left the diner smelling as if it
were you that had actually been deep fried and not the food. She was
very lively throughout dinner and never mentioned our lack of
communication or friendship throughout junior high school or high
school, or even between the months of graduating and that exact moment.
She didn't care; she just spoke and told stories and hardly touched her
burger and fries as she wildly described her first semester experiences.


Watching her speak and eating my own food, I couldn't help but wonder
how I could have ever hated this girl; she had beautiful deep, green
eyes and she spoke so well, in this voice that seemed so sad, yet very
distracted, but also very sincere. She had this new opportunistic view
on life and though my mind was confused between the Daisy I thought I
knew and the one I was learning, the one constant was that my mind was
on her.

Since the seventh grade I had tried avoiding her and pretending that she
didn't really exist and now, sitting across from her, it was obvious
that I had been wrong about her. Five years had gone by with this one
girl sitting in most of the classes I had taken, attending most of the
events I had attended, and I have never sat and conversed with her; a
girl who most likely could have been my best friend, lost behind my own
stubbornness.

"So my roommate starts dating this really nice guy," she continued
speaking, "and one night we are leaving the dorm and we open the door
and sitting on the ground is this vase and it's full flowers with a card
to her and it is just so sweet, and I'm thinking," she paused for a
second and pushed her full plate of food, that had now gotten cold, to
the side before returning to what she was saying, "I'm thinking that I
don't even know what I would do if a guy was to give me flowers right
now. I'm just like, dead inside, at least with romantic feelings. No
interest at all and that scares me because what if I stay dead in here,"
she pointed to her chest, "and the next thing we know I'm this old woman
that had never loved and I've got a million cats, but no one to love?"

When she stopped speaking, this time, she expected me to answer, or at
least throw in an opinion. I thought carefully about my words and
realized that I had nothing to really contribute, other than sadness
that a girl as amazing as her could not feel she could love; ever.

"How about I pay for this food, and we listen to this new CD I just
got," I spoke quietly, not really looking at her, "I think you'll love
it," I continued, standing and taking her hand.

quiet

I'm not sure it is I that should be telling this story; I was always
involved, and for some reason, I was always addicted to every part of
the story; but it just seems that it should be her's to tell. She was
the first and for the time being, the only brilliant person I have ever
met; we were in elementary school and she was the new girl in a class of
very close and established friends. We had the pleasure, or
misopportunity of growing up in one of those small towns in which
everyone knew everyone and by the time you were three your parents had
already chosen your future spouse and your future profession and you
just had a planned path to live. It was the typical small town America
with every cliche you could imagine.

So understandably, when this new girl moved into town, as late as the
fifth grade, she was already out of the picture for most of the boys as
we had been promised to our future wives; and as far as the girls in the
class, well, social and popular rank had already been established,
leaving her to be the low-lady on the proverbial totem poll.

In saying all of this, I guess it'd only be fair to explain that none of
this bothered her. She was completely satisfied sitting in the back of
the classroom; befriended by the least popular girl in the class. When
she spoke, it only came after she had been spoken to. At lunch and
recess she was the one calm person who didn't rush to the front of the
line and immediately lose all civil and social skills. She was a kid
that acted more like an adult?

This could be blamed on her mother who ran away when she was two, or her
father that had the outsized task of raising a young lady on his own.
But he did so to the best of his abilities. He was a genius in film and
theatre and thus most of the lady skills that she was acquiring at such
a young age came from Audrey Hepburn, who we all know was and is the
classiest lady to grace Hollywood.

I suppose that also played to her passion of dressing very awkwardly as
a child. Of course her father always had her to school in jeans and tee
shirts that were faded and too large for her small frame, but she always
wore very guady neck pieces and necklaces, or flashy ear rings that
stood out horribly. I guess she was our town's first true taste of
Hollywood. She was in her own ways, very magical.

Her name was Daisy, Daisy Pearl Hughes, and she moved to Hull Texas my
fifth grade year. I sat on the front row of Mrs. Shaw's home room, she
sat in the very back. It took me two years before I said my first word
to her.

There is so much history that I could recall, and seemingly none of it
matters for the story I feel obligated to tell. I'm wrong, it does
matter, all of it. Every piece of the history, my personal history
growing up in Hull, her's as well, our's as part of this group of same
aged people and such. It all matters; really it does.

But I feel I can sum it up, all of it from the seventh grade when I said
my first words to her, until our graduation in high school, by simply
saying three words, "I hated her." Trust me. I know how bad that sounds
and I know how strong of a word hate is; she was just non-existant to
me, which was very difficult being as she dated one of my best friends
and took just about every higher level class that I took in high school.
As mentioned before, she was the first and for the time being, the only
brilliant person I had ever met, but in saying that and in dropping to a
lower level, this might be because she was very weird.

Throughout junior high school she aced every test and class she took,
and she told these great stories about New York, and Italy, and
Hollywood, and she cried a lot. All of this is why I hated her; my
friends and myself also aced our tests and classes, and I loved hearing
stories and telling them, and usually I took compassion for those that
were hurting.

But with Daisy, instead of seeing her as being smart, I thought of her
as being over-prepared, and her stories, I just took as lies, and when
she cried it just seemed to me that she needed or wanted attention. And
high school was worse. She grew to be very pretty, and even more
intelligent, she had a larger imagination, and while she didn't cry as
much, she began having her heart broken as she became a woman, always
falling for the wrong boy.

I don't know why I hated those things about her; those things were the
same things that attracted me to other girls. But when we graduated from
Hull-Daisetta high school in 2001, she was the one person I didn't care
to say goodbye to, and never did.

Fair

Hey, are you lonely?
Has summer gone so slowly?
We found the ground
And that damage was done
It's cold as you fade into the sun
Where'd you go? To me?

But you're alive!
Well, it's only
Fallen frames, they told me
You stand out, it's so loud
And so what if it is?
It's cold as you face into the wind
Where'd it go to? tonight the sun shall see its light

So what if you catch me,
Where would we land?
In somebody's life
For taking his hands
Sing to me hope as she's
Thrown on the sand
All of your work
Is rated again
Where to go ?

And you were somehow the ran thing could allow
But it's all wrong
You're so strong
And this life and work
And choice took far too long
Where'd it go? tonight the sun shall see its light

So what if you catch me,
Where would we land?
In somebody's life
For taking his hands
Sing to me hope as she's
Thrown on the sand
All of our work
Is rated again

When I was sure you'd follow through
My world was turned to blue so thin
When you'd hide your songs would die
So I'd hide yours with mine
And all my words were bound to fail
I know you won't fail
See, I can tell

I'm trying not to panic

Sam: You're in it right now, aren't you?
Andrew Largeman: What?
Sam: My mom always says that, when she can see I'm like working something out in my head, she's like, 'you're in it right now' and I'm looking at you're telling this story, and you're definitely in it.

Sam: If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you like.
Andrew Largeman: All right, so what are we laughing at you about?
Sam: I lied again... I have epilepsy.
Andrew Largeman: Which part are we laughing about?
Sam: had a seizure at the law office where I work, and they told me their insurance wouldn't cover me unless I wore preventative covering.
Andrew Largeman: What's preventative covering?
Sam: The helmet I was wearing... Oh come on, that's funny. That's really funny, I mean I'm the only person who wears a helmet to work who isn't putting out fires or racing for NASCAR. But what do you do, I can't quit... their insurance is amazing, what do you do? You laugh. I'm not saying I don't cry but in between I laugh and I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously. Plus, I look forward to a good cry. It feels pretty good.

Andrew Largeman: F*ck, this hurts so much.
Sam: I know it hurts. But it's life, and it's real. And sometimes it f*cking hurts, but it's life, and it's pretty much all we got.

...

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about my last year of college. I was living w/ Dan in the annex and really enjoying this life that wasn't exactly real. No responsibilities and stuff you know? But this movie, gardenstate really changed my outlook on a lot of things...and the soundtrack was pretty freaking awesome.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKNzzKOGt9s