Quiet, part 4&5

Part 4

That night is what I remember most about that Christmas. Eventually my parents came home from my Uncle's and we did the traditional holiday stuff and of course I got to see Daisy a few more times before I left for my spring semester at the University I decided to transfer to. But with the new University and preparing for that move, the times I saw Daisy were nothing like the first night we had spent together. At first I thought the difference was the stress I was feeling about another life change and then I just assumed that we were just appropriately falling into our old groups as our other friends were moving back home for the holidays. But then I just realized that she wasn't the same girl as she was on that night. It was as if she were lost in this identity crisis of whether she was Daisy from Hull, or this new Daisy from Austin. Regardless and oddly enough, I began to miss her, even when we happened to be at the same place, engaged in the same conversation. She just wasn't as real as she had been that night.

But before she left for Austin, which was the day before me, she stopped by to say goodbye, and she kissed my cheek, and she told me that she enjoyed her break and that she hoped that I now considered her a friend. I gave her the CD we had listened to that night and watched her drive away with out telling her that I did now consider her a friend.

I know that I keep referring to that night, but when someone finds something or feels something so real, whatever it might be, whether it's a new friendship, or a new love, or faith, whatever, they can usually remember the first moment in which it began; that moment in which they were awoken. That's sort of what it was for me...

Part 5

Once I settled into a routine in Dallas and put my anxiety to rest about a new beginning, which took nearly three weeks, I called Daisy. She didn't answer, I didn't leave a message, and she never called back. Sometime right before February ended she emailed me and while I thought about that night a lot, I had sort of given up on her. Maybe she was a fraud?

But her email was good, and it was long, and it was obvious that she had actually sat down and taken the time to put thought and effort into writing a good email.

"Will. Hello. You called me and the reason I did not answer was because, honestly, I was a little embarrassed about that night we met at the church. It was fun but I sort of worried that maybe I gave you the wrong impression. You seemed to not be as interested in talking with me after that night and I really enjoyed talking with you that night. Hopefully I didn't give you the wrong impression? I miss you Will. But please don't take that the wrong way. I guess I'm emailing because this is a great ice break! Ha. Anyway though it was great seeing you over the break and it has me thinking that maybe you would enjoy coming to Austin and attending the winter formal with me next weekend? I know it is short notice, but I would love it if you came. Just let me know, okay? I really hope you are enjoying Dallas. Please just try and enjoy yourself, remember that we are young and life is full and great things are always on the horizon. Sorry for rambling on, I have enclosed some lyrics from this Lisa Loeb CD I just bought. The song is called Jake and for some reason, though your name isn't Jake, it reminds me of you? Love, Daisy"

Jake -- By Lisa Loeb
i'm going as far as i can go, away from here,
away from you, jake, and the hole you've sunk me into.

i wish that i could belong here, with you, and just be,
but that's not all that i'm about.

your life is built on accidents, like meeting me.
you write everything down in your grocery list - people do this.
even insects buzz like airplanes, why can't we fly away?
i'm going as far as i can go.

your dad died, cause his heart hurt, arking away his forty-five years,
dragging your mom along.
i don't want that, neither do you. neither do you.
if i am not fun, and i am not interesting,
perhaps i am not interested in you, neither are you.
you can't stand in front of an oven, cause it's warm,
and the fumes are dangerous.

i'm going as far as i can go.
away from here, away from you, jake, and the hole you've sunk me into.
i wish that i could belong here, with you, and just be,
but that's not all that i'm about to do.

It took me two days to respond and while I was excited about the chance to see her, the line, "I miss you Will. But please don't take that the wrong way," kept bothering me everytime I went to respond. Finally though at 4 a.m. two days after getting the email, falling asleep as I typed, I responded.

"Diasy. Hi. Sorry it has taken me a few days to get back to you. I suppose we are even now as it took you nearly a month to get back to me. I'm only kidding. I'm tired Daisy and for some reason I haven't been able to sleep lately and it worries me, but I'm sure everything will be okay. I would love to come to Austin next weekend. I think it would be fun and I really want to see you. I've missed you, or at least missed talking with you. Let me know if I am still invited and let me know all of the information. I will call tomorrow. Please answer? The Lisa Loeb lyrics were good. I found these, sort of cheesy I suppose, but regardless they remind me of you. It's Coldplay, and the name of the song is Green Eyes. Enjoy. Daisy I hope that you are okay. Extremely sleep deprived, William H. Miles."

Green Eyes -- Coldplay
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

That green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, now I’ve met you
And honey you should know, that I could never go on without you

Green eyes

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

That green eyes, you’re the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who, tried to deny you must be out of their mind

Cause I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter, since I met you
Honey you should know, that I could never go on without you

Green eyes
Green eyes

Ohohohohooooo
Ohohohohooooo

Ohohohohooooo
Ohohohohooooo

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand

Once I responded to her, my sleeping problems vanished. I fell immediately asleep and woke the next morning late for my Biology class. Running to class, or actually hobbling, as I had a stress fracture in my right tibia, I managed to sneak into the very back seat, last row without being noticed. After Biology I had Calculus 2 and after Calculus 2 I had Elementary Foundations of Mathematics before meeting with the University's Athletic Trainer and my Track Coach about my injury. Finally getting a break and making it back to my dorm after one that afternoon I had the chance to check my email and see that she had responded. And just as a warning, when things go bad, I usually have some sort of premonition about it. These things happen, but they always hit me hard.

"Will. Hello. It's funny because I also couldn't sleep tonight. It's 4:50 a.m. and my roommate is asleep and I feel bad because my lap top screen is so bright and I keep humming this coldplay song, the lyrics you sent me. I think it might be my favorite now. Thank you. I'm excited to see you this weekend, but I have a bit of bad news. Turns out that after I emailed you, one of my guy friends asked me to the formal and I wasn't sure you would respond, so I told him I would go with him. But one of my friends, her name is Juliette and she's so beautiful and sweet, she doesn't have a date. So I mentioned the situation to her and she would love to tag along with us and sort of be your date? But it would be more like a group thing, you know? Please don't be mad, and please that you'll still come, I really want to see you and the formal is just Friday night meaning we will have all day Saturday and Sunday to just sit and talk alone? I'm worried about you Will. Should I be? Are you eating? Sometimes that can cause people to not sleep. Right? You were very thin the last time I saw you and that worried me. Just know that I care. Talk to you today? Maybe? I added some lyrics from Dido. Hope you like. Love. Daisy."

Life for Rent -- Dido
I haven't ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I've always thought
that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
and live more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I told her that I would still come and that I couldn't wait to see her and meet her friend Juliette. When we spoke on the phone that night she sounded distracted and I became annoyed, so we only spoke for a few moments before I made an excuse to get off of the phone. Four days later I drove to Austin.