Quiet, part 15

Friendships with women, I have learned over the years, are always complicated when there are secrets and attraction and untold truths. Never would I think this to be the case with Daisy; she wasn't a typical girl in my mind and while I honestly could never have fathomed being attracted to her, there were secrets and truths untold. But I was attracted to her and as much as I didn't want to admit it, she was a typical girl. As of July things were complicated and after getting an email from her on July 6th, it would remain complicated for a long time.

"What the hell Will? I purposely stayed in town an extra two days for some July 4th party you invited me to and then neglected to call me about. All day I just sat around my dad's apartment with nothing to do. What the hell? So just to let you know, I am officially mad, and I don't know what your problem is all of the sudden? I'm leaving for Austin and I'm not coming back this summer. I really don't get what is going on with you right now? But I guess I'll just see you sometime next semester. Have a good July. Daisy."

I knew that she wasn't at my parent's that day during the party; I purposely avoided calling her. But when I got the email from her on July 6th, I never expected this, I just expected for it to be another email with sweet lyrics and some quirky conversation with some great creativity and imagination, but for the first time that I am aware of, she was mad at me, and though she gave me a reason, I'm not sure why.

"Daisy. I'm so sorry. Honestly we got really busy that day and my parents had me running all over the place running errands and such. I was so busy. Have you left yet? I'm thinking of stopping by after I send this to see if you're home. We need to talk, if you're still here. I feel horrible. Really. Will."

I wrote my response quickly and without thought. My first instinct had been to call her and see if she was being serious about being mad, but I knew she was mad and my email was short and insensitive and though I completely cared for her, and was in love with her, I was actually pushing her away. It began with that night on July 1st and the next four days I had neglected to respond to her emails and I didn't call her and I diddn't really notice how much I was hurting until she sent me that email. I knew that I had fallen hard and gotten in deep after the roadtrip and now as I feigned to not care and to be okay with my days of running and biking and literally doing nothing else, it was evident that the one person I connected to on a level that I never knew existed was gone and I had lost my chance.

What I missed more than anything was that feeling of loving someone beyond words and the feeling that they might too love you in that same way. But once I realized that Daisy didn't feel that way about me -- yes, she cared so much for me, but just not past a sister type of love -- it hurt more to love her than to forget her, or atleast pretend to forget her.

She never responded to my short, insensitive email -- I didn't blame her -- and by July 21st I understood that she was being serious in the email she had originally sent. I had called a few times and left messages, simple stuff, just letting her know that I was sorry and that I missed her, but more importantly that I just needed to know that she was okay. She never answered. Around August 1st I had accepted that I lost her and began to prepare for the move back to Dallas; August 12th was my move back date and though I wasn't excited, it gave me something to look to.

"Hey slow guy," a very familiar voice called to me as I strided gracefully through the streets of Hull, "pick up the pace," she yelled sarcastically.

Turning at first and believing I was hallucinating from the summer heat and dehydration, I saw Daisy, head sticking out of the window of her car; short hair, silver necklace with a cross and a rose hanging from it, and a smile that haunted me most nights.

"Hey," I answered, out of breath and sweaty, "you're in Hull," I spoke, mentioning the obvious.

"Yeah," she answered, "why don't you finish, shower up, and meet me at the diner?"

"How about an hour?"

"Yeah," she called, then waved, and smiled and drove off.