Quiet, part 8

"Will. Hello. You probably think I'm ignoring your calls, but I'm just busy and I'm going through some stuff right now that I really don't want to worry you with. You have so much going on and I'm still worried about you and your weight. Will promise me that you are eating? I'm sorry if that's too blunt, I just worry. And about the birthday party, I wasn't mad at you and I'm sorry I left without saying anything. It's just that I really wanted to spend that night with you, alone. It would have been just nice and quiet, which is what you and I had on Sunday night, I just had a horrible day on Saturday. There was an argument with my dad and I should have told you, but it was bad Will. Really bad. I just wanted to see you, that's all. And Chris and Matt were there and things didn't end well with Matt and now Chris hates me since those two are best friends, but I loved the Sarah McLachlan CD you got me and it was fun seeing your parents before we left. Will. I'm going to be really busy the next few weeks, so maybe it'd be best if we just waited to visit when the semester is over? I'll be home all of May and half of June and all of July. I just don't know how to explain everything and it just makes more sense to not try and add anything else to my plate right now? But I love you though and I miss you. Daisy."

After the weekend of the formal Daisy and I had the opportunity to visit a few times, culminating with her birthday in early April. I had prepared for the day with a vigor I hadn't had in all of my life, there were reservations made, flowers ordered, clothes dry cleaned, it was going to be perfect and I was going to pull it off as though I hadn't tried that hard; we just wanted a very mellow night with good food, good conversation, and hopefully a good ending. But before we could have our date, her best friend from home, Ally, whom I don't like very much, called and told me that she had planned a surprise party that I was originally not invited to, but since I was already going to be picking up Daisy that I should just detour to the party and go that route with my own plans, since there were going to be a dozen or so people waiting to surprise her.

So what to do when you're stuck between a rock and a hard place? I folded. Internally I'm very weak and with Ally swearing to me that she had this party planned for months, and had people coming in from out of town, I couldn't be selfish. I carried Daisy to the party that night, in which she got pissed off, cried a little, and then left without ever saying goodbye (or thank you for that matter) to anyone.

I, the first to notice that she had left, quietly found my car, drove to her dad's apartment and found her crying in the stairwell, shaking in the early spring breeze. We didn't say much; I had wanted to ask her how she made it home as the walk would have taken her all night, but I didn't. I just sat beside her and waited until she stopped crying, then she asked if we could actually go and eat and do what we had originally planned the next time. I told her sure and hugged her and then watched her walk inside and shut the door.

"Daisy. Hi. I am sorry about your birthday, honestly, when Ally called and told me about the party, I wasn’t sure what to do? I'm so glad you still went with me on Sunday. It was fun; hopefully it was fun for you? I'm sorry about your dad and the argument. I wish I could help, really. I understand about being busy, trust me. I don’t know how I'm going to survive this last month of school and track, let alone packing for home and such. I'll be there though the second week of May, if you need someone to talk to or something. You know Daisy, you can always call me if you need someone to talk to, I swear I won't judge and I don't even have to speak if you just want to vent and then hang up. Be okay. Will. P.S. I think I have fallen for you.

It was three in the morning when I sent the email. I couldn't stop thinking about her and suddenly, after her email, I was wondering if maybe it was me that was causing her stress or maybe it was I that had done something wrong? She responded to my email a few hours later. It was the last I heard from her until May when I got home from school.

"Will. Hello. Another sleepless night for us both? Do we only sleep well when we're together? Thanks for your email; you're the sweetest boy I know. But Will you don't want to fall for me, trust me when I say that. I hope you like these lyrics. I will try and see you on May 12^th? Love. Daisy"

Sarah McLachlan -- I Love You

I have a smile
stretched from ear to ear
to see you walking down the road

we meet at the lights
I stare for a while
the world around disappears

just you and me
on this island of hope
a breath between us could be miles

let me surround you
my sea to your shore
let me be the calm you seek

oh and every time I'm close to you
there's too much I can't say
and you just walk away

and I forgot
to tell you
I love you

and the night's
too long
and cold here
without you 

I grieve in my condition
for I cannot find the strength to say I need you so

oh and every time I'm close to you
there's too much I can't say
and you just walk away

and I forgot
to tell you
I love you

and the night's
too long
and cold here
without you